Updated: Feb 17
Growing up as a kid surrounded by family whom were very well connected to the Christian belief and lifestyle; by way of my grandfather whom served in ministry as a Pastor of the Church of God in Christ. I remember how in awe I would be hearing my grandfather preach and teach the word especially the bible studies he held sometimes from his home.
Throughout my teenage life as a young girl who was baptized at the age of 12 by unction of the Holy Spirit I experienced the move of God in my life and on my life. I was one who seemed to see things in dreams as I slept and daydreams of visions of things happening; I also had knowledge of deeper spiritual connection and understanding that even I didn’t understand at that young age. I knew that I was supposed to be a leader in life and I had a deep connection to the unfolding of end time events.
My life in school as a young teen, I experienced so many amazing opportunities and would be selected in my junior high years to be president of the F.H.A. (Future Homemakers of America). It was in this great experience that I was given the opportunity to speak at other junior high schools to my peers regarding things happening in the world and in schools. I found a passion in speaking in front of people that also came with vision and creativity that was not taught, but somehow innate. I would go on to be captain of the cheerleading team and then drill team sergeant. So you see, I was born to lead and to pour out of me those things that all have been a part of my purpose in life.
So, after living life some years outside of the church walls it wasn’t strange to me that years and years later I would find myself in someone’s ministry being a servant to the people of God.
I served in many auxiliaries and gave of myself my all, with being a single mother having went to college now working in corporate America, I brought my skillset to the ministry to help in any way needed.
After serving for a few years I was asked to head the Woman’s Ministry as I did with great compassion and a desire to assist with educating and uplifting the woman in the ministry. It was such an honor to stand in those shoes, I learned many things as well as learning how to adjust to the different spirits on people that were still dealing with issues and deliverance was still in process for them.
A year or so passed and then the call came, I knew it wasn’t from Man per se this call to leadership in a different way, but it indeed was ordained and set by God.. This call was to now walk in the direction and leadership of an Elder of this ministry.
My first response was, WOW… okay…God, now? Like, now is the time you are calling me to move in this level of serving? I was nervous, but only because I didn’t want to step into those shoes and not be totally committed to the work, study and discipline it would now require.
So, I prayed on it and I consulted with a lady whom at this time had been my spiritual sister for some 18 years or so. I finally settled into the thought and accepted that this was the time.
A year, wow, a year is what I had to go through of teaching in the ministry, studying, leading service, and consecrating myself to ensure that my spirit and flesh was in tune with the Holy Spirit. I did this, I walked in this new lifestyle, I served and I gave all of me! The year had come almost to a close and it was time for our confirmation service. I was so amazed and proud of my walk and I was confirmed. My parents at this time had both passed on and so my aunt and cousin had attended as my support along with my eldest children. What an achievement!
I was now ready to prepare myself for the hard study to become nationally ordained, in this it would have afforded me to travel nationally to speak and minister. Well, within a few weeks of this next stage and process, my life and the way I viewed church, Pastors, Lay People had all but completely horrendously changed.
Just like that, my child and my immediate family (my children) were caught in the twist of a well-covered up scandal. I in all my life of ministry had “Never” been in the midst of church scandal in any way or form and neither had “Any” of my grown children up until then. What we (my children) all experienced and witnessed next was utterly heartbreaking and just unbelievable to say the least.
I was in utter awe, shock and dismay! I as a servant, tithe payer faithfully and loving member, Elder, Leader of this ministry had never in life been this outdone and left with no support, care, guidance or care of concern! Why? Why, when we ALL are people of God, we were we all shunned for something that came out of their covering with their own blood?
How I asked God, how could a Man that you God called to ministry, be so cut throat and unconcerned but more so concerned about what it looked like on the outside and how people would respond once the act of which had happen got out to other ministries.
Weeks and months had gone by we had all been affected by this pandemic so services were different and at times not at all. Once it was somewhat safe to revisit the physical building I did and with an open heart and mind to receive any kind of resolute resolve to what transpired.
I was offered the mic to pray, this was one of my favorite things to do in ministry, I was shocked that I was offered it without any prior conversation regarding the issue at hand but I moved as I should have as God would have commanded me to do. I prayed closing out service.
Ohhh, but there was one unhappy member….. An Elder to be exact. What in God’s name is wrong with this man and the thought behind his motives? You aren’t God! This man ran things to me behind the scenes as if it was his ministry. Cultivating an undercurrent of those whom he liked and didn’t like which lead to many instances of members leaving this ministry because of his actions and verbal insults as an Elder. I watched how he moved for years but it wasn’t my place to say much unless asked because this particular Elder had been in that ministry for years and was always giving in great ways both financially and supportively.
“I paid it no mind and went on with speaking and leaving church that day, and that day was the last time I set foot back in that ministry. Heartbroken by the lack of outreach by those who had everything to do with this horrible act and cover-up, they were family supposedly but I guess when it wasn’t blood tied just by way of marriage, it didn’t mean a thang as I learned. We didn’t deserve any of the treatment that was given. It was like because we didn’t go along with what happened and being that questions were then asked by a mother/member/leader in this ministry I and my family was considered risk.”
So, I finally resigned my position and membership hesitantly but it was necessary as it seemed as if nothing was going to be spoken upon as it closely related to me or my child who was severely affected and hurt behind this scandal.
I couldn’t believe it to be honest. People I loved wholeheartedly and believed to be upstanding servants of God were operating in this fashion. It wasn’t about people being human and all the other words people would say. But, it had everything to do with accountability, standing up for what is right regardless of whom it is (relative or not)and standing in the gap to provide guidance, no matter how deep the hurt, pain, lack of understanding and inexperience of dealing with such an issue under your own roof of ministry. Forgiveness, is one thing we all have to extend to others even when it hurts deep, so forgiveness wasn’t the issue on our part, it was the lack of accountability and the lack of human empathy towards a mother and wounded young woman who did what she was supposed to do but was done horrendously wrong in the church and was cast out by people she called family, loved and cherished!
So today, I @speakkieya walk in my trueness of life searching for healing, understanding and revelation that can only come from God himself. I stand strong on the word as God says “vengeance is His” so, I know that all things work together for the good of those who serve the Lord Thy God! (Romans 8:28) I was injured as many were along with my child. I hope that we all find healing in Christ along with understanding… I know that I can’t stay away from my calling for long but I know too that it must be something else I am to do in this moment and so I am walking as I am given vision and the creative mind to do.
One of the biggest hurts and loses is losing someone whom my children and I have known for 20+ years to this whole incident and now seeing how people coward out of speaking up for what is right and hiding behind scripture that does not condone the things that happened but does advise us all to seek after righteousness. I learned that money is the root of most EVIL in the church setting and people will sell out to it even in the most Holy place.